


Cake Is Better Than Murder, Too

by astralpenguin



Series: 3am [2]
Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Amnesia, Asexual Character, Asexual Yagami Light, Bisexual L, Bittersweet Ending, Communication, Demiromantic Yagami Light, Gen, Greyromantic Yagami Light, Implied/Referenced Suicide, L knows when to be serious, Late Night Conversations, Light Angst, Light really likes those late night conversation, Light's Missing Memories, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Promises, Sharing a Bed, Suicidal Thoughts, Yagami Light is Kira, Yotsuba Arc, and this is one of those times, screw canon amirite lads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:48:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22814923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astralpenguin/pseuds/astralpenguin
Summary: Light Yagamiusedto be Kira. He wasn’t anymore. And he didn’t remember being Kira, eitherThe situation was, quite frankly, a messEven if L was the only one who knew it(written as a sequel to Cake Is Better, but can be read alone)
Relationships: L/Yagami Light
Series: 3am [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1640104
Comments: 38
Kudos: 324





	Cake Is Better Than Murder, Too

**Author's Note:**

> it seems that my approach for writing fics for this fandom is to sit myself down and write the whole thing in a very short space of time lmao, this one only took me a few hours
> 
> yes i know this concept has been done to death already. yes i wrote it anyway. i have been having a _lot_ of emotions about light yagami lately

L was in the middle of double checking what information was publicly available about the day’s Kira victims when Light woke with a start.

It was mindless work. He’d instructed Light to check whether the names and faces of Kira’s victims had been publicly available upon their deaths as they received word of those victims, and he knew that if any of these things hadn’t been available then Light would’ve brought it up during the day. But he needed to find _something_ to do to fill his time while Light was asleep, and he didn’t want to resort to booting up the Sims, because then he’d end up getting engrossed and losing track of time.

Double checking the day’s data was a much better idea, and being absolutely sure of these things couldn’t hurt.

L didn’t look over at Light at first. Light didn’t often wake up in the middle of the night, but when he did, it usually didn’t take too long for him to either speak up about what he wanted or needed, or for him to go back to sleep. L accepted the possibility that he might be about to be asked to pause what he was doing so that Light could use the loo. There was also a chance that Light would just go back to sleep, in which case L had no intention of stopping him. L could go for a long time without sleeping, but Light could not. Whenever Light didn’t get enough sleep, everyone ended up knowing about it, and it was never fun for anyone involved. Like sleeping dogs, it was always best to let Light lie.

Selfishly, L hoped that Light was about to strike up a conversation. Light did this sometimes. He’d wake up in the middle of the night, and for whatever reason he either wouldn’t be able or wouldn’t want to go back to sleep, and so he’d talk to L instead. Their late night conversations had covered a wide range of topics already. One night Light had asked for L’s opinion on a selection of TV shows. One night Light had dragged him over to the window and complained about the light pollution stopping them from being able to see the stars. One night, just last week, Light had confessed one of his deepest insecurities, and L had been able to help and reassure him, and had casually come out to him in turn.

He’d started to suspect that Light wasn’t straight while watching the surveillance footage from his house. Straight teenage boys looked at porn, yes. But they tended to have some kind of reaction to it, which Light had not. He’d looked at the pictures, but then put them away as if they were nothing, and studied for the rest of the night. He may as well have been looking at pictures of trees for all he’d engaged with them.

Add that to his lack of attraction to his supposed girlfriend, and L had been sure that if that boy was anything, he wasn’t straight.

It wasn’t something that L had ever intended on bringing up with Light. Sexuality was something that friends talked about with each other, yes, and the two of them had gradually become genuine friends over the month or so that they’d been handcuffed together. But those handcuffs were just the thing. Light was trapped here, with L, and L had an undeniable level of power over Light. There were some privacies that Light didn’t have anymore. Not while the Kira investigation was ongoing. L hadn’t seen any need to force him out of the closet on top of all that. It would’ve been unnecessarily cruel, and he’d been cruel enough to Light already. Light’s sexuality had nothing to do with Kira, and therefore it was his own business.

But then Light had admitted that he thought there was something wrong with him, and L had had to intervene.

There was nothing wrong or broken about being asexual, or on the aromantic spectrum, but nobody had ever taken the time to tell Light that. Nobody had even taken the time to let him know that those things existed.

Right then, Light had needed someone to explain things to him, to point him towards more information and resources, and to let him know that he wasn’t alone. L hadn’t thought twice before providing that. 

L wasn’t interested in lying to himself.

He liked Light. He was attracted to Light.

And wasn’t that just his fucking luck.

Light was asexual. Well, okay. L wasn’t asexual, but he also recognised that sex really wasn’t all that important. Light’s mind was so much better than his body anyway. And that was saying something, because everything about Light was stunning.

Light was also greyromantic and demiromantic. The chances that he felt anything other than friendship - and occasional irritation - towards L were slim to none. L could cope with that. Aside from his ill-advised crush on Light, L enjoyed Light’s company. He wasn’t about to ruin that.

He was consciously ignoring the possibility that the person Light had referred to liking might be him. There were two reasons for this. The first reason was that he didn’t want to get his hopes up just to find out that he was wrong. He hated being wrong at the best of times, and being wrong about this would especially sting. It was a smarter idea not to consider it at all.

The second reason was that Light Yagami was almost certainly Kira.

Or, at least, Light Yagami had almost certainly been Kira prior to his confinement.

L could pinpoint the moment that Light had stopped being Kira. His whole demeanor had changed. He’d gone from calmly accepting his confinement to begging to be released. He’d gone from being one of the worst liars that L had ever seen to apparently being one of the best. Or rather, he’d stopped lying about not being Kira and started to believe that he really wasn’t.

The ‘almost certainly’ stayed in there to allow for the sliver of a chance that L was wrong. But he knew that he wasn’t wrong about this.

Light Yagami was Kira.

Light Yagami _used_ to be Kira. He wasn’t anymore. And he didn’t remember being Kira, either.

The situation was, quite frankly, a mess.

Even if L was the only one who knew it.

Light hadn’t gone back to sleep.

He hadn’t said anything. He hadn’t struck up a conversation, or asked to go to the loo, or even sighed in frustration at sleep evading him when he needed it.

He hadn’t moved a muscle since he woke up.

“Are you alright?” asked L.

Light didn’t respond.

“Light.”

“I don’t know,” said Light, so quietly that L could only just make out the words.

It appeared that Light was in need of another serious late night discussion. L closed his laptop and put it to one side. He straightened his legs out and slid down and under the covers so that he was lying on the bed next to Light, rather than sitting on it like he had been before. “Talk,” he said.

Light smiled faintly, but it was gone as soon as it appeared. “I don’t know if you can help me with this.”

“I might be able to, I might not,” said L. “We won’t know if you don’t tell me what it is.”

Light didn’t say anything for a few seconds. L also stayed quiet, letting him think.

“I’m missing memories,” said Light, suddenly. “I’ve forgotten things. Not in the normal way, everybody forgets stuff, I know that. But there are things that I _should_ remember that I don’t. I remember asking to be confined, but I don’t remember why. I remember buying a miniature TV, but I don’t remember why I bought it or what I did with it. I remember Misa showing up at my house one day and demanding to be my girlfriend, and I remember feeling pressured, like I _had_ to accept or something bad would happen to me, but I don’t remember _why._ And I know that I didn’t spend every waking moment studying for the entrance exam. I let Mum and Sayu think that I did, but I didn’t. And I have no idea what I was doing instead.”

L waited a couple of seconds before responding in case Light decided to keep going.

When he didn’t, L said, “This must be worrying for you.”

Light laughed without humour. “I think that’s putting it mildly, don’t you?”

“Yes,” said L. “I trust you know what this sounds like?”

Light nodded. “Yeah,” he said. “I know. What’s my Kira percentage right now?”

“Higher than it was a minute ago.”

“No number?”

“I think that we’re having a serious conversation right now,” said L. “I doubt that quoting numbers at you will be helpful.”

“Yeah,” said Light. “You’re probably right.”

“May I ask what brought this on? You’ve never mentioned these issues with your memory before.”

“I never mentioned them before because I knew they made me look guilty. But I’m not Kira. I don’t remember ever being Kira, I don’t remember ever killing anyone, I couldn’t even tell you _how_ Kira kills people. I can’t be Kira.” Light grimaced. “Except right now, Kira is killing anyone and everyone who breaks the law as soon as they’re announced. They used to leave people who killed in self defense alone. They used to leave people who showed remorse alone. They used to focus on violent criminals. They aren’t doing any of that anymore. This all supports the idea that this isn’t the same Kira as the one we were facing before. And the old Kira...”

He fell silent.

“The old Kira?” L prompted.

“When I think about who I would target, if I were Kira, I realise that I’d make the same distinctions that the old Kira did. Exactly the same ones. And aside from that, you narrowed the investigation down until I was basically your only suspect. You’ve never been wrong before.”

Light looked vaguely sick. L hoped that he wouldn’t actually be ill.

“What brought this on, Light?” L asked again, as gently as he could manage.

Light shook his head. “I’m not sure. I think I had a bad dream.” He looked L in the eye. “What’s going to happen to me?”

“What do you mean?”

“At this point it’s pretty safe to say that I was probably the first Kira,” said Light. “There isn’t another explanation that fits everything. Even if I’m not Kira anymore, and I don’t remember ever being Kira, I still _was._ I still did those things. So what’s going to happen to me now?”

This was something that L hadn’t wanted to think about.

L had already known that Light was Kira, but what Light had just told him confirmed it. It was, for all intents and purposes, a confession.

It probably wouldn’t be enough if he was put on trial. In a fair trial, the jury only needed to have reasonable doubt for them to have to acquit, and there was plenty of reasonable doubt here. Missing memories and a similar moral code to a murderer did not necessarily a murderer make.

Except in this case it did. And there was no way that anyone who L accused of being Kira would be getting a fair trial.

If L were to formally and publicly declare that Light was Kira, and that Misa was the second Kira, then they would both be executed. There was no doubt about that.

He didn’t want Light to be executed.

He didn’t want Light to be executed because he _liked_ Light. Both as a friend, and not as a friend. He enjoyed his time spent with Light. He didn’t want it to end.

But when he put that aside, and tried to look at the situation somewhat objectively, he _still_ didn’t want Light dead.

Throughout L’s life, he very rarely came across anyone whose intelligence rivaled his own. Most of the people he knew who stood a chance were back at the orphanage, being trained to succeed him should the worst happen.

Light’s intelligence rivaled his own.

Light was one of the smartest people that L had ever met.

The fact that Light had been able to remove his emotions from the situation and deduce that he was, in fact, Kira, was proof enough of that. Most people would take the fact that they couldn’t remember being Kira as proof enough that they weren’t. If the same had been true for Light, L wouldn’t have blamed him for it. He couldn’t imagine how awful the idea and accusation of being a serial killer was. Anyone innocent would feel compelled to deny it in its entirety.

But Light hadn’t done that. Light had taken a step back and considered all of the facts, even when those facts had pointed towards the one conclusion that was worst for him.

If Light were to be executed, it would be a waste. Someone like him could do the world a lot of good.

Maybe he still could.

“Do you want to be Kira?”

Light frowned in confusion. “What?” he said.

“Do you want to be Kira?” L repeated.

“Of course I don’t,” said Light. “Kira’s a serial killer. They’ve killed hundreds of people, probably more. I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to be responsible for that.”

“Then don’t be,” said L. “You, as you are right now, are not Kira. It wouldn’t be right for _you_ to be punished for Kira’s crimes. You did not commit them.”

“But-”

“The evidence against you isn’t airtight. The rest of the taskforce is convinced of your innocence already. And most of the world isn’t aware that Kira is or has been more than one person, or that their power can move. Once the current Kira has been apprehended, there won’t be any reason for you to be a suspect anymore.”

“But Ryuuzaki, you-”

“Do you want to be executed?”

Light fell silent.

L watched him.

“No,” Light eventually said. “I don’t want to be executed. But wouldn’t that be the best course of action? It would be the only way of making sure that Kira doesn’t return, and it would be what I deserve anyway.”

“I don’t think it would be the best course of action at all,” said L. “You have a brilliant mind, Light, and it would be a terrible loss for the world if that were wasted. As for it being what you deserve, that sort of thinking is similar to Kira’s.”

Light scowled. “Of course it would be similar thinking to Kira.”

“It’s also concerning to hear my friend say that he should be dead,” said L. He reached for Light’s hands, hoping that Light would find it comforting. “It wouldn’t bring me any joy or relief to see you executed, and it wouldn’t bring your family any joy or relief either. You, as a person, have intrinsic value. Don’t forget that.”

Light rolled his eyes. “You’re talking as if I’m thinking of killing myself.”

“I’m not convinced that you’re not.”

Wondering if the world would be better off without you was a sign of suicidal ideation. In isolation, it could be benign. But L wasn’t psychic. For all he knew, it wasn’t in isolation. Knowing the kind of pressure that Light had been under his whole life, how he hadn’t had any close friends, and how he’d been left to figure out things about himself alone, L wouldn’t have been surprised if these kinds of thoughts weren’t new. Add that to realising that he was likely one of the worst serial killers that the world had ever seen, and who knew what kind of state Light’s mental health was in.

L wasn’t going to let anyone he cared about go down that route ever again.

Light didn’t say anything.

“As for your death being the only way to ensure that the first Kira doesn’t return, that is simply untrue. All that we would need to do would be to make sure that the current Kira doesn’t pass their power back to you. Or we would need to find a way to prevent the method by which you lost your memories and power from being reversed.”

“We don’t know how any of it works, though,” said Light. “It’s all well and good to say that we need to stop Kira’s powers and memories from returning to me, but we don’t know _how_ to do that. We don’t know how to stop it. And I don’t think that I would’ve given up that power if I didn’t have a plan for it to return to me someday. I can’t risk letting that happen.”

“There’s no guarantee that it _will_ happen,” said L. “The first Kira wasn’t infallible. He killed Lind L Tailor, after all. And I was able to narrow my suspects down to just one person with relative ease. If both of us work against him, then I’m sure we can figure out how Kira’s power works in time to prevent it from coming back to you. And even if Kira’ powers _do_ end up returning to you, there’s no guarantee that Kira’s personality will as well. You may be able to fight against it. The first Kira may be gone for good.”

Light didn’t respond.

L decided to try his luck.

“Of course,” he said, “I’ll probably have to keep an eye on you after we catch the current Kira.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yes,” said L. He glanced towards the ceiling, pretending to be thinking about what he was saying. “I’d have to make absolutely sure that the first Kira doesn’t return. You wouldn’t need to be handcuffed, but you would have to stay close by. I suppose that means that you would have to accompany me on whatever my next case is.” He looked back at Light. “Does that sound acceptable to you?”

Light looked hopeful, but wary. “You’re saying I’d work with you? When this is all over?”

“I am.”

“Even though I’m Kira?”

“Even though you _were_ Kira,” L corrected. “And yes. As I said, it’s all the more reason to keep you close. We can’t let you start killing again.”

“What about university?”

L sighed. “You would be allowed to complete your education in any way you see fit. If that’s at To-Oh, then that can be arranged.”

Light smiled properly for the first time that night. “That all sounds acceptable to me.”

“Just acceptable?”

Light laughed softly. “It sounds good. I’d love to keep working with you. Honestly, I’d thought about it myself, I just hadn’t known how to bring it up.”

L smiled. “It’s settled then.”

The smile faded from Light’s face. “I have one condition.”

“What is it?”

“I know that there’s a chance that even if my memories return, I’ll still be _me,_ and I won’t become Kira again. But if it all goes wrong, if Kira comes back and I can’t fight it, then I need you to stop me.”

“Light-”

“No, you need to listen to me. I don’t want to become Kira again. That isn’t somebody that I want to be. If I _do_ become Kira again, then either the person I am _now_ will be dead, or I’ll be trapped inside my own head with no way out. Either way, I won’t be _me_ anymore. And I don’t want that. So if Kira returns, then you have to stop me. Arrest me. Or just kill me outright. Whichever’s easiest, I guess. Whichever option minimises any collateral damage.” He looked deep into L’s eyes and tightened his grip on L’s hands. “Please, L.”

Of all the ways that L had anticipated this conversation going when he’d first noticed that Light was awake, this wasn’t one of them. He supposed that made him a fool. He should’ve seen this coming.

“I will,” he said. “If Kira returns, and you aren’t able to fight back and remain as yourself, then I’ll make sure that you’re caught and arrested. I can’t promise to kill you outright, but I’ll make sure that you’re brought to justice.”

“Killing me would be kinder than letting me live like that.”

 _“Light,”_ said L. “Please don’t make me promise to kill you. I can’t do that.”

Light’s expression softened. “Okay,” he said. “I won’t.”

L started to bring their joined hands to his lips, then thought better of it and abandoned the movement. “I understand how you feel,” he said. “And I _will_ stop you. On that, you have my word.”

Light nodded. “Thank you,” he said.

“It’s no problem,” said L. “Thank you for trusting me with all of this.”

“It’s no problem,” Light echoed.

If L had less sense, this would be where he’d kiss him.

But he didn’t.

Although he really wanted to.

“We should probably get some sleep, shouldn’t we?” said Light.

“You should,” said L.

L still wanted to kiss him.

Light frowned. “When was the last time you slept?”

“A couple of nights ago. I need less sleep than you do.”

“Not _that_ much less.”

“I’ve managed so far,” said L. “I must be doing something right.”

Light laughed. Then, he shifted closer to L and put his arms around him, resting his head on L’s chest. “I’m going to try to sleep now,” he said. “You’re not allowed to move. You might as well sleep with me.”

L begged his body not to respond.

By some miracle, it didn’t.

“Goodnight Ryuuzaki,” said Light.

“Goodnight Light.”

L knew that there was approximately zero chance of him getting any sleep that night. That was fine. That’s how he’d expected the night to go, anyway. He just hadn’t expected the reason for his sleeplessness to be because Light had decided it was a good idea to cuddle.

He sighed, softly so that he wouldn’t disturb Light, and accepted his fate. He shifted so he was more comfortable, and closed his eyes.

It was... nice.

Really nice.

Damn.

And as he felt Light slowly drift off in his arms, there was one thing that L was sure of.

Light Yagami was going to be the death of him.

He just hoped that this death would be metaphorical.

**Author's Note:**

> pls comment, my crops are dying
> 
> come say [hi!!](https://astralpenguin.tumblr.com/)


End file.
